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First let me say that I have always thought I was a good listener. But then I asked my kids and they said "No way Dad...you're a lousy listener!" What??? So I asked my Mom and she confirmed the fact that I am a lousy listener. Apparently I REALLY need this parenting tool.

I have two very different teenagers. My daughter likes to talk A LOT!!! My son can go all day without saying more than two words to me. (I'm not counting grunting as words) So listening to my daughter involves great focus and listening to my son involves a little bit of mind reading and interpretation.

With my daughter I have been practicing closing my laptop and giving her my full attention. I've learned a lot this week by listening to my daughter. I learned that she got a perfect score on her history test. I learned that YouTube has a lot of hilarious videos. I learned a new magic trick. I learned that she doesn't like Chick-fil-A for dinner. I learned that the kids in her school swear a lot, and she doesn't like that. I learned a joke about a foreign guy who practiced English by watching commercials.

I didn't learn quite as much from my son. But I did try and observe him a little more closely this week. You can learn a lot from teenagers by observing their body language. For example; if my son sighs, slumps his shoulders, and puts two hot dogs in the toaster oven...that means he is not pleased with our choice of dinner. If he comes into the living room and sits on the couch, that means he needs a little time with dad. If he comes home and goes downstairs without saying a word, that means it was a long day at school and he needs to unwind. And if he re-washes his hair three times, that means he needs a haircut.

I'm glad we chose this parenting tool first, because I will be working on it the entire year. Hopefully by the end of 2012 I will be able to ask my kids again if I am a good listener and they will be able to say YES!

In closing, I have included an excerpt from Dr. Jane Nelsen's Empowering Teenagers MP3. I have been listening to the MP3 this week and I found a section on "Closet Listening." I will bring this back in Week 43 when we use that parenting tool, but I thought it was very applicable this week as well.

The New Year is here and it's time to dive into our 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks. But before we start, we need to agree on some ground rules that will make this experience more enjoyable for ourselves and our children.

Rule #1 - Be Patient

We need to be patient with ourselves and our children. Positive Discipline is focused on long-term results. I know from experience that focusing on the "quick fix" will cause frustration and create conflict. There are no shortcuts in parenting.

In her Positive Discipline Parenting Workbook, Dr. Jane Nelsen has an activity called "What Do You Want for Your Children?". Click Here to download a sample from the workbook. This activity will help you focus on the long-term results.

Rule #2 - Be Honest

I think it is important for us to be honest with our experiences. There is strength in numbers and by sharing our struggles we will be helping each other feel less alone. When we share our successes, we will be helping others find solutions.

Rule #3 - Mistakes Are Opportunities to Learn

We are going to make mistakes and our children are going to make mistakes. But it is important to look at our mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve. We are not striving to be perfect parents. The goal is to improve. Let's celebrate our mistakes!

Rule #4 - Have Fun

Let's have fun! Parenting can get overwhelming and sometimes you just need to laugh at the absurdity of it all. I hope this will be a place full of positive energy.

Rule #5 - There Are No Rules

Feel free to improvise. Just because we are going through the parenting tools in a particular order doesn't mean that you can't skip ahead if you need help with an issue at home. In fact, many of these tools work well together, so I would encourage you to read through them all on a regular basis. I think it will be helpful for us to focus on each of them for a week, but that doesn't mean we can't use the other tools at any time.